‘chew like you have a secret’

…is it not our very purpose to exude sexual mystique in our every action, to chew ‘like we’ve got a secret’, to smile sweetly and fart secretly – for our entire lives, every single day, until the sweet release of death?!

a raspberry sorbet & a break-up, please

He scratched his chin, a tell-tell sign that he was feeling extremely awkward. GOD he was irritating.

How hard could it be to stop ghosting?

I know, I know, I’m a monster – but in my defence, a message featuring more than 3 tongue-out emojis cannot be tolerated.

What’s so wrong with low-hanging fruit anyway..?

Just call me Eve…I’m a sucker for that juicy, red, shining forbidden fruit dangling so invitingly from the tree of temptation…

Is VS, BS?

I first watched the Victoria’s Secret (VS) show on television as a teenager, and immediately became obsessed with the idea of morphing myself into one of those goddesses

a strange encounter in the steam room

My eyes snapped open. I could not believe what I was seeing – possibly the world’s most convincing Danny DeVito lookalike was sitting next to me.

slut shamed by my mother in law

Imagine that your boyfriend’s mum dislikes you, and when I say ‘dislikes’, I mean hates…and when I say ‘hates’, I mean detests. If you were Regina George, she would echo Janis Ian’s sentiments toward you.

The 5 Types of Men on Dating Apps

Loyal lifelong parter, or serial killer? – it’s anyone’s guess.

Why you should block your ex

One minute you’re browsing their Instagram… the next, you’re crying down the phone to them in the back of a taxi, on the way to their house.

G-String Blues

I had been, for the last hour, flashing my underwear to my entire workplace